Many people find it difficult once they are on the single scene again, and most want to be in the comfort and fulfilment of a relationship. You contemplate what you could of done differently in the last relationship, go through feelings of despair, pain, guilt, blame and longing for intimacy again. Whether it was your choice or the other person’s the relationship no longer serves you, or can help you evolve. It may be difficult to accept but you too have changed from who you once were and you now want different things that expand your mind and excite your soul. That is why the journey of singledom is an important process in getting to know yourself and finding everlasting love.
Remember when you were in your early 20’s, you had really no idea what you wanted in a partner, apart from the fact that your hormones were going crazy and physical attraction was the most important quality. You just wanted to be with that person who made you feel good, wanted and boosted your ego with a multitude of compliments, and that seemed to gratify you enough. Through time, experience and soul searching you realised that you wanted so much more, being single can help you find that, so try to see being single as a positive and empowering situation.
Our Society, the media and culture make us feel that we are worthless and unlovable if we are not in a relationship, something must be ‘wrong with you’, especially if you are single for a long time, and perhaps your friends and family have encouraged you to ‘make it work’ with whoever you’ve been dating, because at least it’s better than being alone. Is it really? Remember how empty and lonely you felt in that past relationship. There was nothing you could have done differently to change the connection, the passion, the lack of trust and communication. Let your heart guide you to what’s right for you not other people they don’t really know how you feel, they can only project their own feelings, intentions and fears.
You are working towards finding love, the right soulmate for everlasting love, so you must prepare yourself, by knowing yourself and what you really want in a relationship. See being single as an empowering time in your life, It doesn’t mean you can’t have fun along the way but It does require making an effort. You could go out every night be online all day, that doesn’t mean you’ll attract the right person you will attract people but you will soon be disappointed, because you are not clear on what you would like to receive. Or your fear of being alone gets the better of you. In order to attract the right soulmate you must understand that the work starts within you.
1. HOW MUCH DO YOU LOVE YOURSELF?
We are all aware of the expression ‘if you don’t love yourself no one else will’ but we don’t always know what this means. Here are some tips for relationships.
- a. Accept yourself and don’t be ready to be so agreeable just to be liked, and easy going.
- b. Speak your mind from your heart and don’t compromise on your integrity just to please someone
- c. Don’t change who you are, that includes your looks your job your friends, your opinions and lifestyle.
2. WHAT ARE YOUR BOUNDARIES, WHAT ARE YOUR VALUES?
This will test your self esteem, but staying in your integrity. It is very important, don’t dismiss something if it doesn’t feel right or allow someone to treat you badly, or allow yourself to be a fill in time for them. You are worth more!
- a. If they were rude, critical, arrogant, but gave you plenty of attention would you continue to see them?
- b. If someone is still married and living with their spouse but separating would you want to date them?
- c. If they talked incessantly about sex and made provocative suggestions on a first date would you want to continue seeing them?
3. WHAT DO YOU REALY WANT?
Have you thought about why you want a soulmate? People look at me quite strangely when I ask them this, as if how could I ask such an absurd question. It’s an important one to think about, and knowing why will empower you
I want a soulmate because……
You want a soulmate so you can feel ultimate soul connection on a higher level, that will elevate your mind, body and soul, that’s why you yearn for it, for someone to see your truth, your soul, and accept you for all you are.
I want you to think about the qualities you are seeking, and make a list and next to that list write down all your qualities, apart from physical differences they should be very similar, it’s the law of attraction. for e.g. you can’t expect someone to be driven and ambitious, if you’re not, you won’t be aligned with each other.
4. LOOK INTHE MIRROR
You want to look and feel at your best so you feel confident and good about yourself without expecting anyone to give you a confidence boost.
Ask yourself are you happy with how you look and feel about yourself? If you are not at least accept it while you work on it. You’re not perfect and either will your soulmate be. What changes can you make that will help you feel good about yourself?
START DATING NOW
In my practice when I suggest to people to go out there and meet people, whether its socially or online. I’m surprised to hear things like ‘if its destiny wont is just happen’, this is partly true but you must be ready for the connection and visible, you must make yourself available somehow. Some of my clients say ‘I don’t want to date I just want the right one’. You may have some idea of what you want but without having the experience to validate what you want and what you don’t want, it will remain a mere fantasy.
Look at it like an experience, I’m not suggesting you date anyone there has to be attraction and interest, but you can’t take it too seriously either. You may be very attracted to someone but you may find something that you don’t like, about them, that doesn’t align with your energy. think about your deal breakers and what they may be. The experience only consolidates it.
WHATS THE POINT OF DATING
Dating teaches you what’s really important to you, it also could help restore your faith in relationships again, help you believe in yourself. It could open your heart up in ways you never thought, someone might show you compassion, love, kindness, or bring out feelings in you that you haven’t felt in a long time or perhaps never before. It will help you assert yourself, ask for what you want, explore yourself and your sexuality.
Allow yourself to enjoy someone’s company and having fun rather than focusing where it could lead. Be in the moment.
Helps you become assertive and decisive, you have choices too, do you want to see this person again? instead of leaving it up to them.
Most importantly it teaches you to be yourself.
Do not give up on love the journey can be rocky but worth it not only will you end up with a wonderful soulmate but also a deeper connection to yourself.